Reflection & Repair, Rebuild, Return

It’s been a while since the last post and I feel like I have a lot to say about what’s been going on with me lately.

A week and a half ago my thirty-sixth birthday rolled around and with it, I spent a lot of time reflecting on how I now felt compared to last year. Grounded. Feeling grounded is the best way to explain it. Last year I felt anything but, filled with anxiety, anger and impatience for anything that wasn’t what I wanted.

The girl from five years ago.
The girl from five years ago.

The day before my birthday, Facebook also gave me a great reminder of the girl I use to be. The girl who five years ago nearly quit training for what would become a life-changing event. As I type this, I can recall exactly how it felt returning to the store after finishing the 3km run. Here’s a little peek into how that night went, the following is an excerpt from the post I wrote after returning home and having serious doubts about the race and a really big cry:

Week 1: Run 1 (if you can call it that)
Or What the %$&@ was I thinking?
Or “back of the pack”.
Or “Oh my god I am going to throw-up in the store”.

All of the above easily could have been the title for this blog but I thought I would keep it
short and sweet and to the point. (if you care the read the rest, feel free here.)

As cheesy as Facebook can be, that blast from the past was what I needed to see and remember. I’m the girl who set a few big ass goals and accomplished them, the girl who was terrified but didn’t quit!

***

If you’ve been following along, or you know me (in person) then you are probably bored of hearing about being benched while I’ve dealt with some injuries. Believe me, I’m bored talking about it! My knees have given me a hard time for as long as I can remember, but it wasn’t until I was in the midst of my triathlon experience that I got the low down. OA. I had OA in both knees, and it was bad. I had been doing injections with little to no relief for a year and half. After my left knee gave out on me last spring, the focus turned to finding a surgeon to see what could be done.

Long story short, I’m happy to say last Thursday had me at Women’s College Hospital in Toronto for a patella lateral release. The goal is to get my kneecap back to where it belongs to eliminate pain on a daily basis. My hope is that with some additional treatment, we can regenerate cartilage with the use of stem cell injections but I’m not ready to jump on that bandwagon without doing more homework. First things first, recovery AND find out if the right knee requires some surgical intervention too.

exerciseThese days, I feel like I’m standing at the starting line, but the gate is blocking my way. There’s no route or map defined, but I know there is a destination. This time, the journey will be different too. This time, I’m coming at it from a place of love, not loathing. I’m not doing this to punish my body, or to punish myself (except in a good way). I’m going to be active because I can, because it’s fun and because it’s good for me mentally as much as it is physically.

So for now, I’m in recovery but in the grander scheme, this is the first phase of my new motto: Repair, Rebuild, Return.



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